Online Dating: What Starts Out Good Ends Bad
by homoerotica
Summary: A one-shot story, like a diary in a sense. About how my online boyfriend broke my heart, but also made my smile, and ended up giving me freedom. Even though I still dislike him very much. P:


**Title:** Online Dating: What Starts Out Good, Always Ends Bad.

**Author: **' homoerotica

**Written on: **Sunday, October 25, 2009

**Summary: **A one-shot story, like a diary in a sense. About how my online boyfriend broke my heart, but also made my smile, and ended up giving me freedom. (Even though I still dislike him very much. P: )

I sat there staring at the screen, my fingers tapping against the letters, there was a smile that was stuck to my face, I hadn't frowned that much in the last few weeks, except for when I worried my online boyfriend was doing things behind my back. Okay.. Well maybe that was actually a lot of frowning and tears, me constantly worrying and all. A quick sigh escaped my lips, I smiled at the screen, reading over what my boyfriend was writing. A frown soon took over my smile, we were talking about how it sucked that we lived so damn far away, it was sad. I managed a smile nevertheless, I had to keep my hopes up that one day we'd meet and truly say "I love you" to each other, face to face. I was a hopeful child, but my hopes were often crushed.

It was a few weeks into our relationship, it was September, I could sense unease between me and my lover, things were rocky, he was less talkative, he didn't say much, and when he did, he seemed so emotionless. I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing, he said he was dropping behind in a few classes. I believed him, I still do. I still sensed the unease, I became worried. I never was a good girlfriend, I often got worried, I pestered and bothered my companion, and I realized now that a break-up was on it's way. I didn't mention it or say anything, I just sat at my computer desk, typing away like everything was okay, until...

In his country, it was midnight, my boyfriend said he had to go to sleep, I typed 'I love you' and let him leave, I closed MSN with a shaky hand, he hadn't said I love you in return. I continued to talk to my other friends on various websites for another few minutes, I opened a different site, seeing I had a new message, I calmly opened it, but my stomach was churning, there was a message from my boyfriends best mate, the title of the letter was, "There is something you should know [About ____]" I wont say his name, but if he reads this, he knows who it's about. My eyes lay on the message, my heart crumpled, my fists clenched. I could feel tears appearing in my eyes, trickling slowly down my skin, landing on my lap. My top lip overlapped the bottom one, more tears falling. My arms shook; I chewed my lip, causing it to bleed. My heart shattered. It was a paragraph of words from my lover's friend, telling me that my 'lover' no longer wanted me, he said a lot, but my mind was racing, with anger, depression and confusion. At first, I was in denial. I read it again, again, and again. The fifth time I read it, I responded to it. I force-turned-off my computer and sat there, tears still falling. I didn't need to know anymore.

After the waterworks stopped, I got up, left my room and went into my living room, sitting down on the lazy-boy I grabbed the laptop and turned it on, I explained to my sister, whom was beside me watching TV, what happened, I told her how he had no guts and had his friend break up with me for him, we agreed that he was a bitch. Soon we stopped talking about it, I began to rant and rant on Deviant Art and other websites, complaining how my broken heart was aching.

At school, the first time I told my friend Caitlin, she smiled at me, pulling a funny face, she grinned, one hand open, the other in a fist, she began to lightly punch her open hand, "So, I have to beat him up, don't I?" I smiled at this, I laughed.

Around a month later, I'd forgotten all about my misery, I was happy. I was happy without him. Thought I constantly complained to him, asking why he was such a pansy, he always said he didn't want to hurt me, he thought I was unhappy with him. Yeah. Fucking. Right. For the first part, how the heck is getting someone else to do it for you making me less unhappy? It made it worst. I was happy with you, that's why I worried so damn much, I told him. We faded, our love turned into friendship, then our friendship into nothing.

Now, I don't speak to him, I sit at my computer and laugh, I laugh at how much I don't care anymore. I laugh, I joke, and I smile. He was right, I'm happier without him. I don't have to worry about worrying. I can sit here and be a bitch; I do whatever the hell I like. No boundaries, freedom...

It feels good, freedom. Real good.


End file.
